Room 618 at the Arms Hotel, Friday Early Evening

[firstofitskind]

His relationship with Verity might be intact, if a little fragile, but there was still some shit going on in his head that Liam needed to figure out. And there was really only one person on the island who had a chance in hell of helping with that.

So it was that he was knocking on Ghanima's door at the hotel, box of pastries from J,GoB in hand, to ask for her assistance.

[ooc: that he went to her for help is okay to mention, but details of their conversation NFB, please!]

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[firstofitskind]

Liam’s eyes widened, momentarily startled by Ghanima’s insistence that he ‘give himself some credit’. That was a turn of phrase he generally didn’t hear applied in his direction. He listened to the Litany, the way her voice rose and fell as she recited the words, and nodded. “Possession,” he said finally. “A brief one. Only a few seconds. But long enough to be noticed.”

[atreideslioness]

Ghanima smiled slightly at his surprise. "Your mind affects your reality," she said, sipping her tea. "And I do not mean that in a 'positive vibes' sense."

"Physics, gravity... all lies we have taught ourselves which can be altered with a strong enough will. If you do not believe that you can be the ultimate victor in this war, you may lose. Acknowledge your own inner strength, and let it fuel you."

[firstofitskind]

Another nod, and then his gaze dropped down to his free hand, turning it palm-up, before activating the shaqarava. He glanced back up at Ghanima, his expression shy, almost boyish.

[atreideslioness]

Ghanima leaned forward. "And what do we have here?" she asked, clearly delighted.

[firstofitskind]

... Again, not at all the reaction he was used to getting.

“Shaqarava,” he told her. “The mark of my father’s people. A tool for destruction, and for healing.” And one that took a great deal of inner strength to truly master.

[atreideslioness]

"Manifesting in your Laogong cavity, no less," she mused, resting her chin in her hand as she studied it. "Fascinating. We shall be adding the concept of Qi to your studies as well, as I would not be shocked if it functions much the same way."

[firstofitskind]

The little maelstrom of energy pulsed slightly as Ghanima looked it over.

"Before," because he could divide his short life very neatly into 'before death' and 'after death', "I didn't control it, I think it was more... instinct, whenever it activated. Now," he curled his fingers into a fist, and when he opened them, the energy was gone, the only hint of something different being the dark red mark that resembled a burn on his palm.

[atreideslioness]

"Instinct is one of the most powerful tools the human race has in its arsenal," Ghanima mused, watching the energy vanish. "Harnessed instinct even moreso. We can work with this."

She glanced back up at Liam. "Thank you for sharing this with me. I can tell it's deeply personal for you."

[firstofitskind]

“The shaqarava were... the essence, the totality, of the Kimera race,” Liam shared. ‘Deeply personal’ was pretty accurate, yeah.

[atreideslioness]

"For a non-corporeal race, it would be the closest thing to a physical manifestation of their souls," Ghanima guessed. "The sole constant across all their host bodies."

[firstofitskind]

"Yeah," he nodded. "The Taelons were afraid of it, so they taught themselves to subsume the desires it created in them." The Jaridians, conversely, had given themselves over to it completely.

Liam walked that line between both, and it wasn't always easy to stay balanced.

[atreideslioness]

Ghanima made a distinctly un-ladylike noise of annoyance. "Yes, because that has worked so well for every sect and species that's tried it," she replied. Yes, Jedi, she's looking at YOU. "I'm assuming that backfired spectacularly."

"It's completely possible to have desires, and, Maker forbid, emotions and not lose control," she continued, gesturing expressively. "Do you know how many times a day one of them wants to assassinate someone, or manipulate something? I can acknowledge and even agree with those urges, and still behave myself."

Usually. Mostly. At least on Earth. When at home, if the majority of her Tau felt someone needed to die for the safety of Leto and her family, Ghanima was generally happy to go along with it.

[firstofitskind]

Liam put the ice pack down on the table for a moment so he could press his thumb into the palm of his other hand, rubbing it back and forth gently.

"Worked well enough for them for about eight million years," he said with a wan smile. "At least," he shrugged, "until they realized they were dying off."

[atreideslioness]

"Suppressing your survival instincts will do that," Ghanima said dryly. "Shocking."

"How tempting it is to raise high walls and keep out change. To rot in your own self-satisfied comfort. There is a great difference between spannungsbogen and doing nothing at all, though it is easy to fool yourself that you are doing one, and not the other."

She raised an eyebrow at Liam. "If I catch you doing that, I will help Beau thump you senseless, to see if that shakes some sense back into you."

[firstofitskind]

Another shrug. "It's hard, sometimes," he admitted. "Knowing when I'm allowed to be angry and when I shouldn't be. For example."

Yes, he was more or less equating showing an emotion and feeling an emotion.

[atreideslioness]

"There are differences between showing an emotion, acting on an emotion, and feeling an emotion," Ghanima said kindly. "The three do not always walk hand-in-hand."

"It is..." she screwed up her nose in concentration, trying to find the right words in English, for Fremen concepts. "Have you ever used a bow? The act of firing a bow is the steps of choosing to act on your emotions."

"The bow is always a bow. It is always your feelings. They do not go away unless you destroy the bow, which is silly, because nothing is ever completely destroyed, only transformed. Nocking an arrow, that can be seen as showing your feelings. It can be done discreetly, so only you see it, around just a few, or publicly, so even the target sees it happen. The action to pull the bow taut and release the arrow? That is action on your feelings."

"Spannungsbogen is the self-imposed delay between desire for a thing -- or the feeling -- and the act of reaching out to grasp that thing. It is the span of the bow, how far back you draw it before releasing your arrow. Will your arrow strike true? Will it strike deep or shallow? It is your discipline, your choices, which decide if you will achieve your aim with this emotion, or if you shall miss the mark. Or if you even fire at all."

[firstofitskind]

“I guess that... makes sense,” Liam said slowly, trying to piece that all together. No one had ever explained it to him quite that way before. Or at all, really. The closest he’d ever had to a mentor had been Da’an, who always had plenty to say about the dangers of giving in to the urges of emotion, but very little about what to actually do about them.

[atreideslioness]

There had been a hundred tiny microexpressions, a thousand small catches to his voice, and it was starting to add up to something that the Truthsayer in Ghanima most assuredly Did Not Like.

Though she might get to kill someone depending on his answer, which would make her feel better.

"Liam, if this is too bold a question, forgive me. But which species had the raising of you?"

[firstofitskind]

“Uh,” Liam frowned, trying to parse that question. “I was born in DC, if that’s what you mean?”

[atreideslioness]

"Not quite, dear one," she replied. "Preborn like us don't usually need formal schooling, but they often foist it on us anyway. Who taught you about your shaqarava? Who taught Liam the history of the Humans and Kimera and Taelons, aside from the memories within you?"

[firstofitskind]

“Oh,” Liam said quietly. He was silent for a few moments more, and then: “Nobody, really.” There had been Da’an, and Lili, and Augur, who’d all tried to answer questions in those first few months, but had never actively taught anything... “I was,” he stopped, took a deep breath, and then started again. “I grew into the body you’re looking at in a matter of minutes.”

[atreideslioness]

Ghanima just sort of...blinked at him.

"Now why didn't we try that?" she asked aloud rhetorically. "Leto and I can control our bodies on a cellular level, at least enough to heal or cease aging, and yet for all the experience I have to draw upon, it never occurred to me to try and speed it up. It would have made dealing with things like tall counters and getting people to take me seriously so much easier. No one takes you seriously when you have a lisp from losing your baby teeth."

[firstofitskind]

“I wouldn’t know,” Liam said, with a rueful little grin. “I was created for a purpose, and I wouldn’t have been able to fulfill that purpose if I was a child.”

[atreideslioness]

"We are generally all created for a purpose. The reason behind Leto and I is... unpleasant. But this was done to you? Without your consent?" Ghanima looked genuinely angry, though not at him. "You are a person, not a piece of pottery, Liam."

[firstofitskind]

“Not,” he frowned. “Not in the way that you’re thinking. But I was given- instructions? I guess. As to what I was meant to do. And being a child was never part of that.” He looked over at her, curious. “So what’s the reason behind you and your brother, then?”