The Causeway, Sunday Late Afternoon

[firstofitskind]

Liam had been holding himself together by, basically, the skin of his teeth ever since they'd left the Sour Nest. It was unfamiliar territory, he needed to be on guard, he could not afford to let himself fall apart.

Then the portal dropped them back off on the island, and everything just hit him like a metaphorical freight train.

He'd been trying so hard to keep the guard's- Tomas, he had a name- memories separate from his own but they were there, they were loud, and it wasn't just him, it was Robert, it was all the bodies Ha'gel had worn through his years of studying various cultures.

There were so many. So many voices, thoughts, memories, all coming through at once. He couldn't do this. He didn't want this.

He needed it to stop.

His face went slack, eyes blank as he retreated inside himself, away from the chaos and the noise of it all. He just wanted it to be quiet again, that wasn't too much to ask, was it?

[ooc: for anyone who might have reason to be around! pings will be slowish while i am at work.]

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[firstofitskind]

Much longer and he probably would have started to drift again, which she likely knew.

His head tilted slightly, one eye cracked open as he gave her a tiny smile. “Hey.”

[arboreal_priestess]

"Bath helping?" she asked, handing over the water.

[firstofitskind]

“Yeah,” he admitted, sitting up and taking a long sip from the glass. “Thanks.”

If he’d been left to his own devices, he probably would’ve ended up collapsed on the bed while still fully-clothed.

[arboreal_priestess]

One of the benefits of being married was that he wouldn't ever have to be left to his own devices again.

"You're welcome," she said, perching on the side of the tub. She reached for a washcloth, dunked it in the water, and then rubbed soap into it before starting to slide it over his back.

[firstofitskind]

Liam let out a long, tremulous sigh as she did so.

“What day is it?” he wondered. Beau had mentioned time moving differently in her world, after all.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Sunday," Verity said, slowly washing his back in slow, easy circles. "The nineteenth. How long did you feel like you were gone for?"

[firstofitskind]

"It was- I left on Friday?" he checked.

Not only had the past few days been busy, but he had another set of memories insisting that was where he'd always been. "'Bout four days, I think."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Sounds like a lot happened in those four days," she said quietly, moving on to washing his shoulder and down his arm.

[firstofitskind]

Liam nodded.

“Molly’s dead,” he said equally quietly, voice flat.

Molly, who’d flirted with both of them, who’d also only existed for a handful of years. Liam had felt a sort of kinship with him over that, and now he was dead.

Liam hadn’t been much older than Molly when he’d died the first time. Only he got to come back.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Molly?" Verity asked, taking a minute to place the name. Mostly because she was trying to think of women they knew named Molly. Except that didn't make sense. "Wait. The cute guy from the festival?"

[firstofitskind]

“Mollymauk Tealeaf,” Liam confirmed. “He was- he’d tried to stop them, the slavers who took Fjord and a couple of their other friends. Got killed for his trouble.”

[arboreal_priestess]

"Oh hon, I'm so sorry." Heedless of the water, Verity leaned in, hugging him close. "So damn sorry."

[firstofitskind]

Liam hadn't even known him that well, but he'd thought maybe he'd like to. And now he wouldn't get the chance.

"Fjord, and Jester, and... Yasha," it took him a moment to remember her name, only because she had been the only one of Beau's friends he'd met at the festival that he hadn't really talked to. "Were being held in the slavers' stronghold. We were just going to take out the guards and sneak in, but I-" he stopped, staring down at his hands.

Why had he thought that'd be a good idea, again?

[arboreal_priestess]

"But you thought it would be better to impersonate one of the guards instead," Verity guessed.

'Guessed.'

[firstofitskind]

“Didn’t really think about it,” Liam mumbled. “Was just gonna hit him, knock him out, but then I...”

[arboreal_priestess]

"Then it just happened?" She thought that was how it had gone with Robert, but she'd been dying, so the memories were a bit fuzzy.

[firstofitskind]

That was definitely how it had gone with Robert, yeah.

“I did it on purpose this time,” he admitted. “Just didn’t really think about what that would mean.”

[arboreal_priestess]

"I think maybe you ought to think about whether or not it's good for you to keep doing this," Verity said carefully. "At least until you figure out how to keep your Self separated from everything else."

[firstofitskind]

“I’m not exactly in a rush to do it again,” Liam told her. “But you have to admit, it’s useful.”

Except for how he kind of fell apart after, of course.

[arboreal_priestess]

"No," Verity said, shaking her head. "There are other ways to handle it that don't leave operatives a catatonic wreck afterwards."

[firstofitskind]

Sarah would probably disagree, but Liam wasn’t going to bring that up.

“Wasn’t just one person’s memories this time,” Liam told her, though she’d probably figured that out. “Robert too. And hosts, people, my father used. All I wanted was for it to be quiet in my head again.”

[arboreal_priestess]

With her wording? Possibly. With her overall point? Probably not.

Breaking yourself because it is the only option was one thing. Breaking yourself because it was the easiest of multiple options was another matter entirely. It sounded like Beau's friends had a workable plan - which Liam made easier and better, certainly, but look at the cost.

"You're not convincing me that this is a good plan."

[firstofitskind]

Verity was also absolutely right, but Liam wasn’t quite ready to admit that. Not when ‘the cost’ was himself, if it meant helping someone else.

So he didn’t answer, just frowned. Sulkily. In a bathtub.

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity splashed him, gently. "No sulking," she said. "Or I'm calling in the mice."

[firstofitskind]

“You would not.”

There were rules about when they were allowed in the bathroom, Verity!