The Causeway, Sunday Late Afternoon

[firstofitskind]

Liam had been holding himself together by, basically, the skin of his teeth ever since they'd left the Sour Nest. It was unfamiliar territory, he needed to be on guard, he could not afford to let himself fall apart.

Then the portal dropped them back off on the island, and everything just hit him like a metaphorical freight train.

He'd been trying so hard to keep the guard's- Tomas, he had a name- memories separate from his own but they were there, they were loud, and it wasn't just him, it was Robert, it was all the bodies Ha'gel had worn through his years of studying various cultures.

There were so many. So many voices, thoughts, memories, all coming through at once. He couldn't do this. He didn't want this.

He needed it to stop.

His face went slack, eyes blank as he retreated inside himself, away from the chaos and the noise of it all. He just wanted it to be quiet again, that wasn't too much to ask, was it?

[ooc: for anyone who might have reason to be around! pings will be slowish while i am at work.]

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[arboreal_priestess]

Verity was worried. Had been, ever since Liam left. And the best way to work off that kind of worry?

Training. And so she'd been jogging around the island...more times than she'd really care to count at this point.

Which meant she was just turning the corner near the Causeway when the portal opened. "Liam!" she cried, dashing over as soon as she saw him step out l.

[firstofitskind]

She’d see him step out and then just stop in his tracks.

They wailed with anguish over the death of their child, one who had been healthy and strong in these days of wasting sickness. Dead not due to the sickness all had come to expect, but because of the sheer carelessness of another warrior.

They faced the warrior over the body of the child, keening loud accusations that their community echoed- all had seen the carelessness, had seen the child run through only moments earlier, their blackish blood still dripping from the heft of the spear...

[arboreal_priestess]

You know, that was never a good sign, especially when combined with that thousand yard stare. "Liam?" Verity said, reaching out to grab his shoulders and pull him away from the portal. "Liam"

[firstofitskind]

No response. But as she touched his shoulders, she would be able to see brief flashes of some of the memories he was caught up in.

Ducking, weaving, kicking. The sword in her hand flashed in the dark, clanging against the sword of her opponent. Battle rage filled her, pounding in her head like the drums of the dance.

The sword blades slid along each other, slicing at the air and at one and other.

Her blade found skin, and hot blood spurted into the night, filling her senses with its nauseating, coppery, heady scent. Driving her on, making her bare her teeth and snarl and laugh...

[arboreal_priestess]

Okay, yeah, this was Very Not Good.

"Liam," Verity said. "You're leaking."

Time for the old standby. She reached for his hand, placing her palm against his, and then pinched her inner wrist, hard.

[firstofitskind]

He felt that, if dimly.

He'd never really given much thought to the fact that the babies tended to disappear. Slaves were often riddled with disease, and being so small, it made sense that they'd be among the first to succumb. Or perhaps they simply starved, their mothers unable to provide for them from their own meager slave-rations.

It wasn't until he was invited into Lorenzo's office one night, to discuss his plans for the latest batch of captives, that he truly understood, the smell of roasted meat filling his nostrils as the slave-master spoke...

[arboreal_priestess]

"This isn't you, Liam," Verity said. "You've gotta remember where you end and this other person behind, okay?"

This time she bit down on her arm, teeth leaving deep rings in her skin.

[firstofitskind]

But there were so many of them, and only one of him, and they were so loud.

"You need not sacrifice every aspect of your life to them. You need not sacrifice us."

But it turned out that she was wrong. For after he expressed his regret, after he Shared of himself with her for another long, delicious moment, she heard the faint, low growls of displeasure. This body reacted without thought, jumping up to face those who approached from behind.

She was one of the Kimera and they knew it. Her grip tightened on his hand, hard enough to have broken bones had he too not been other.

She willed him the last of her memories as they killed her...

“They’re too loud,” he complained. “Too many.”

[arboreal_priestess]

"Yes, but I need you to focus on the one that recognizes me," Verity said, her voice firm and loud - though not yelling. More like the stern voice of a teacher in a classroom of rambunctious toddlers.

Or a choreographer in a room full of excited dancers, which was often very similar.

"Listen to me and push away any of them that don't know this voice."

[notallbluemonks]

Beau was exhausted, and all she wanted to do was go home, take the longest hot shower ever, and then crawl into bed and sleep for a week. She couldn't just walk away, though; like she'd told Fjord and Jester, she was trying to make an active effort to keep people around now, and Liam was one of her best friends.

Besides, this was kind of her fault.

She recognized that reaction; it was the same look Caleb got on his face every time his use of fire spells gave him flashbacks and made him dissociate. (She'd started making jokes about how the two of them needed to not be in the same place for too long or the guilt would get to be overwhelming, but she hadn't realized those jokes were so on target.) But she wasn't sure if she could handle this the same way she did with Caleb. So, very carefully and without saying anything, she put a hand on his shoulder, hoping the contact might at least start to help him ground himself.

Though she was prepared to back away in case she was wrong, and he lashed out.

[firstofitskind]

He didn’t lash out, no. But thanks to that hand on his shoulder, Beau would get a glimpse of what was going on in his head.

He was strapped to the operating table, the implantation needle hovering ominously above him, Boone coldly explaining how they were going to reimplant him, over his protestations that he couldn't do that to Deedee, not again.

"I took care of that problem for you," Boone said, a small smile curving his lips as he held up a simple gold wedding band. "I assure you, she felt no pain."

An anguished sob burst from his lips as he cursed Boone's name, the implantation needle began to move towards him. And then he felt nothing at all...

[notallbluemonks]

Okay, no, Beau definitely did not like being inside someone else's head.

Besides, all of this was a lot to process on top of everything else she had to process from the last -- how long had it been here, anyway? A month and a half from her point of view, at least.

She yanked her hand back before she could stop herself, or reconsider whether that was a bad idea.

"What the fuck," she muttered under her breath.

[firstofitskind]

If it was any consolation, it hadn’t been on purpose?

Not that he could tell her as much, or answer that muttered question, stuck in his own head as he was at the moment.

[notallbluemonks]

Honestly, Beau wasn't sure she wanted the answer to that question anyway. They'd just taken care of one piece of shit, but the reminder that there were other pieces of shit like Lorenzo out there wasn't really something she wanted to dwell on.

... not that Liam had a choice about it, she realized.

"I'm here, all right?" she said finally, because she wasn't sure what else to say. "Verity's here. It's -- yeah."

She was really never going to be the qualified party when it came to handling these situations really well.

[firstofitskind]

Strangely enough, Boone had actually been a pretty good guy. But that particular memory, filtered as it was through the lens of his father's perception- it wasn't a good one.

The Price girl screamed, and kept screaming, until the sound ran out and she slumped, practically boneless, in the chair. He stopped inflating the cuff, letting it collapse with a soft hissing sound. Then he leaned in, wrapped his hand around the now-deflated cuff, and squeezed.

He kept squeezing, grinding his hand against the cuff so that the needles danced inside the Price girl's flesh. His expression schooled into something sad, almost disappointed, like he hadn't wanted any of this to happen. They were so close to having her name, he could practically sense it, there on the tip of her tongue...

His head felt muddy and wrong, and he couldn't tell, he couldn't draw the line between where they ended and he began.

[notallbluemonks]

Beau reached out and put her hand on his shoulder again.

"Come on, man, we need you here," she told him. "Do you really wanna leave the fuckin' troopers without a boss? Nobody needs that shit, dude."

No points for delicacy, Beauregard. None.

[firstofitskind]

Why did she sound so goddamn concerned when he'd- he'd been there when they'd brought her friends into the stronghold.

He'd participated in trying to break them...

No.

No.

That wasn't right. That wasn't him. But it felt like it was.

[notallbluemonks]

"Whatever you're remembering, it --" Beau trailed off, a little bit frustrated, wondering what Molly would've done.

"It's not you. Those memories, they aren't yours. Come on. We can help you sort it all out later."

Molly, in the mines outside Alfield, the first time they'd seen Caleb overwhelmed by his trauma.

"Time for that later, Liam. C'mon."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Beau," Verity said, confused. "What the hell happened?!"

Why was her husband a catatonic mess?

[notallbluemonks]

"I'm sorry," Beau said, looking genuinely guilty and upset. "We were infiltrating this stronghold, and he decided to, uh ... disguise himself as one of the guards."

She figured Verity would know what she meant by that, right?

[arboreal_priestess]

"Oh fuck," Verity said, proving that, yes, she know.

[notallbluemonks]

"I'm sorry," Beau said again. "That wasn't part of the plan."

It had been useful as hell, but toward the end of the journey there she'd started to get the sense that he was struggling to keep it together.

She sighed and fiddled with her sash. "The Iron Shepherds were some fucked up people. The shit he's going to remember from that is going to suck."

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity nodded. Good to know what to be prepared for. "You lot all right?" she asked. "I mean...physically?"

[notallbluemonks]

Beau nodded. "I'm gonna be feeling it for a week, probably, but we're okay. Not gonna lie, though, I probably would've died three times if not for Liam. Scars are like sexy though, right?"

Because she had a lot more of those now! Funny how that happened when you decided you could tank for your party.

[arboreal_priestess]

C'mon, Beau. Monks were DPS, not tanks. Everybody knew that.

"You'd fit right in with my family," Verity said. "We see scars like birthdays. Signs of survival to fight another day." She looked around. "Okay, but what if we didn't have this talk in the middle of the street. C'mon. The apartment isn't far and you can fill me in on what went down?"

While getting fed and possibly patched up.