The Causeway, Sunday Late Afternoon

[firstofitskind]

Liam had been holding himself together by, basically, the skin of his teeth ever since they'd left the Sour Nest. It was unfamiliar territory, he needed to be on guard, he could not afford to let himself fall apart.

Then the portal dropped them back off on the island, and everything just hit him like a metaphorical freight train.

He'd been trying so hard to keep the guard's- Tomas, he had a name- memories separate from his own but they were there, they were loud, and it wasn't just him, it was Robert, it was all the bodies Ha'gel had worn through his years of studying various cultures.

There were so many. So many voices, thoughts, memories, all coming through at once. He couldn't do this. He didn't want this.

He needed it to stop.

His face went slack, eyes blank as he retreated inside himself, away from the chaos and the noise of it all. He just wanted it to be quiet again, that wasn't too much to ask, was it?

[ooc: for anyone who might have reason to be around! pings will be slowish while i am at work.]

Comments

[arboreal_priestess]

Hey, she was just happy that he was focusing on her and not so deep inwards he couldn't be reached.

"Good, Liam, you're doing really good," she said, voice gentling. "Two things you smell."

[firstofitskind]

It had been quiet, there, and that's all he'd really wanted.

"Your shampoo," she was his touchstone, his tether, after all. "The island?" By which he meant the mix of salt air and damp stonework he associated with this place.

[arboreal_priestess]

Quiet didn't make it good. Quiet didn't make it safe. You know what else was quiet? The patch of forest where the bromeliads had been.

"And one last thing," Verity murmured. "One thing you can taste."

[firstofitskind]

It had felt safe, though.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I don't know." Unlike last time, he hadn't bitten down on his tongue, there was no blood in his mouth.

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity tugged him down, pressing a gentle kiss on his mouth.

[firstofitskind]

"You," he said softly, pulling her in to a hug as her lips left his. He was still shaking, muscles still buzzing with that pins-and-needles sensation but he was definitely more present.

[arboreal_priestess]

And Verity was willing to take those small improvements. "Let's go home," she said. "Figure out what to do next?"

[firstofitskind]

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Liam agreed. Truth be told, he was still just out of it enough that he would’ve gone along with anything right now.

[arboreal_priestess]

Good thing he had a wife to make sure that the only things being suggested were good ideas then.

"C'mon," she said, shifting her arm around his waist to offer a little more support for him. "Wanna take a bath?"

[firstofitskind]

“Mmm,” Liam hummed. A bath did sound like a good idea, honestly. Hadn’t been a lot of time for that sort of thing on the road in Beau and Fjord’s world.

Except-

She would stay with him, right?

He felt stupid and childish even as the thought crossed his mind, but she’d only just barely managed to pull him back to himself, what if she let go and he was lost again?

[arboreal_priestess]

"I'll wash your haaaaair," Verity singsonged.

[firstofitskind]

“S’nice,” he murmured as they began the walk home, because that did sound pretty great.

[arboreal_priestess]

Of course it did. She knew what motivated him.

"You should talk," Verity said quietly as they made their way back. "Keeping it all inside isn't going to help."

[firstofitskind]

“I-“ Liam started to say, and then broke off, frustrated, the words freezing in his throat.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Talk around it if you have to," Verity murmured. "Start with little things. Build up steam."

[firstofitskind]

A short, sharp shake of his head. The last few days had been full of so much pain and death and sadness, he just wanted to push it all away, the same way he’d pushed aside those other memories.

[arboreal_priestess]

"You can't ignore this," Verity said, translating his gestures with surprising ease. Huh. Maybe this was why they were married. "What happens when you ignore stuff and try to pretend it didn't happen?"

[firstofitskind]

It festered until it ended up becoming something he couldn’t ignore. He knew that. Still, he shot her a pleading look all the same. Could they at least wait until they were home?

[arboreal_priestess]

"That's why I said to start with something else," Verity told him. "The longer you stay locked down, the harder it will be to get started again. I don't care if you just start listing off different kinds of flowers you saw there, but I really need you to start talking."

[firstofitskind]

It was already hard. Or at least, not talking was easier. Everything he wanted to say stuck in his throat in a way he could practically feel.

Silence stretched on for another minute, then two, until finally he managed to force the words out:

“I hurt people.”

[arboreal_priestess]

"I know," Verity said, voice quiet. She squeezed his hand with hers.

No condemnation here. No immediate forgiveness, either, since that was cheap. But no condemnation.

[firstofitskind]

"I remember feeling? Proud? Of that."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Why?" Verity asked softly.

[firstofitskind]

"It was my job," he told her.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Why?" Verity asked again. "When did that become your job?"

Think, Liam. Think.